Tuesday, Oct.12 , 2004

It's Tuesday night. I took my Aunt to her doc. today....he gave us both a flu shot...mine was free because he didn't want me to get sick and pass it along to her. I hope the shot doesn't give me the flu......sick humor I know.....

I wish I could take her place. My little Aunt is having a difficult time coming to grips with her terminal illness. She's in the room every time, and the news is the same, but after we leave, a strange kind of thing happens, and 'denial' takes over.

Upon reflection, it's not really so strange after all.

Things that I think should be getting looked after are put off, and now I realize it's probably simply the process.....(If I don't do that today, I won't really die until everything gets done. So maybe I can postpone the inevitable)

Actually, I have no idea what to expect, but even if I did , my aunt would likely break that rule, so I'm baffled. I will be glad when the spiritual breakthrough happens, because that's the stuff I know about.

I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping, and last night just as I was almost asleep I saw a picture in my minds eye. There was a little moat, but more like a small ditch, filled with dirty water and there was a snake swimming in this ditch. I knew it was Satan, and prayed protection all around the perimeter of the property, and inside as usual.

Each day is a challenge in one way or another. I don't think I could take a course to prepare for what I am doing. Sort of like on the job training.

I wonder what Jesus would do if He lived here ?

I wanted to be creative, but the way seems blocked. You know, step into a bible story. Which character would I want to be ? Where is Jesus ? What is He doing ? What is He saying ?

Actually, I really want Him to come here to this home, sit down and tell my Aunt all she needs to know. That He loves her, no matter what she's done. That He will be with her all the way 'home'. That she is valuable to Him, just because He says so.

I want Him to tell her 'do not fear for I am with you '. I want her to BELIEVE !

(Trenton Journal Oct.12, 2004)