Come to Me

'Come unto Me,all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Mt.11:28

Today was another appointment with specialists for a scope.

Prognosis...six months.

Father, I want to understand what my little Aunt is going through
...crust removed.

I bring her to you Lord, speak tenderly to her in her dreams, whether day dreams , thoughts or night visions.
Direct her heart to think on You, though she doesn't know You.Give her courage Lord to face her future. I will stand with her every step of the way . Guide her every decision, though I bind bitterness. Guide her heart to hear You. Make a way for Lil that she too will know the safety of You.

I was wondering what it would feel like, besides afraid, if I knew I had only six months to live. I want to ponder this profound question. I love you Lord.

(Monday, Sept.27, 2004)

Choose Your Destination

It's Time to prepare..... Choose your destination......

Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Luke 11:9

Today, it was made pretty clear than Aunt Teresa has untreatable pancreatic cancer. She is a very courageous lady. I am so glad I am here even though I realize it will be a very difficult journey for all of us.

Lord I need You! All you have for me I need. More love, more wisdom, more understanding and insight. I ask for all of the gifts of Holy Spirit to be activated...now.
Words of knowledge, dreams, visions . I ask for the empowering to see into the supernatural realm. I ask for discernment of spirits, especially in this home. The gift of prayer, to know what to ask for specifically.

Ears to hear Your Voice. Eyes to see You ....everywhere. Your Voice to speak with power and authority, in love and compassion. Your word to speak to me....and a big hug. A good nights sleep for all three of us. I love you Father....Amen.

(Sept.23, 2004)

Start Preparing Now

Biopsy day.....Sept.23.

Today they took a biopsy of Aunt T's liver. We will soon know what will happen. Mercy and grace Lord..thank you.

I managed to get my computer together and am spending way too much but need to 'set up'.

Questions...will I need to work or go to school ? Please give me Your words when the time comes.

Prepare for Action

Things are happening Jesus. I love you so much. Keep me steady Lord. Stupid things I seem to be concerned about....lead me please, that You remain my focus in the midst of the turmoil of the days ahead.

I ask for Wisdom and continued revelation in the knowledge of Your will for my life.

"God has said, Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you". Heb. 13:5


(Sept.22,2004)

Day One - Turf Wars

Lord, You know me. You alone see my brokenness. I don't even want to look at it. I really just want to concentrate on Aunt T. and think on her.

There has been so much distraction with the dogs. It upsets me so , that Sam is being so snarly with Bonny. I wanted everything to transition smoothly.



I am so naive sometimes. I love my dog, and feel bad for putting him through this , but perhaps in the long run he and I will be ok.

I need you Jesus to cover me, give me wisdom and to help me to 'shut up'. Forgive me Lord for being snarly and critical, for allowing myself to get entangled by the deceiver who wounds so effectively with the tongue.

I give you once again , my heart , my mind, my soul, my mouth. Lord, God on my frame is my desire. To serve and to love.

I want to see what You see, hear what You hear. Love the way You Love...unconditionally. I need you my Beloved to carry me through the fire.


'Lend Me thy body, our Lord says. For a few brief years in the body that was prepared for me I delighted to do My Fathers will. By means of that body I came into contact with the children of men --diseased, weary, sin - sick, heavy laden ones.

Those feet carried Me to the homes where sorrow and death had entered; those hands touched leprous bodies, palsied limbs, sightless eyes; Those lips told of my Fathers remedy for sin, His love for a prodigal world.

But I need a body still: Wilt thou lend me thine ? Will you lend me your body that I may tell them that the Light after which they are groping has at last reached them? That the bread for which they have so often hungered is now at their very door ?

I want a heart that I may fill it with Divine compassion; and lips purged from all uncleanness, to tell the story that brings hope to the despairing and freedom to the bound, healing to the diseased and life to the dead.

Will you lend me thine ? ' Yes Lord....Have Your Way in me. I love you.

(Sept.21, 2004)

Arrival - Sept.20, 2004 Monday

The farewell at the airport was difficult for me Lord, but I am glad that I am alive on the inside to feel the pain.

My Anneka, how I love this little beauty you have given me. Thank you Father, keep her for me. Keep her safe and pure and altogether Yours.
Little Aila, who is so young, that I will miss getting to know her.
This sadness I place in Your hands as well.

Now...the page is turned. A new direction. A new page. A new life. The path is narrow to the outward eye, but reveals the depth of the knowledge of You.

So...I step forward....the government of my life is on Your shoulders, and so do I cling to You. I wrap my arms around Your waist and hang on tightly as together we leap to life.

More than anything Lord, I want You. You in every part of my being. God on my frame. God with skin on. Living before You, serving You unoffended and clothed with Love Himself.

Therefore I go now, to walk with You through the valley of the shadow where no evil will touch us....together.

Sept.20, 2004 ....Evening...

Rom.9/20 Shall the thing formed say to Him that formed it, why hast Thou made me thus ?
'these rifts that I am making, which seem to be destroying thee, will change thee into a flute, and thy sweet music then shall bless the souls of men.'

Memories

This is the place where I have written a few stories about. When I was a child I would go to this particular place. I would stand there, where the path leads to the water and call across to my little grandpa. He would then get into his little rowboat and come across to pick me up.

His companionship and his cottage right across the river just behind where those trees are were a haven of peace for me.

This summer while on holiday I went to that happy place. I took my shoes off, walked in to the water, and was stirred deeply with fond and fearful memories.

The fond memories....escape to a place where I knew I was loved.

The fearful...the reasons I needed to run to this place.

This particular day, the Lord stood with me in the water. I prayed, wept a little, and felt the warm sunshine on my face. The Sonshine of promise for a new future, one filled with hope and dreams washed over my heart and soul.

Long moments of remembrance, waves gently washing up my legs. So much peace.

Behold....I make all things new.

This warm day, I was given the grace to release it all. I picked up five small smooth stones. Each represented something I needed to let go of.

Finally. Willingly. ....Goodbye ...to past sorrows, those things that had still been shadows within me, still having some influence over me. I cast those from myself, into the River of Life.

I stand now on the shore with Life Himself. Looking forward, leaning on my Beloved.



Tonight I will be packing my computer for the long journey ahead. I hope to be back on line in a couple of weeks. I will miss this journalling, and I am looking forward to the Lord giving me a fresh vision of His Beauty in the days and months ahead.

(Trenton Journal Sept.15, 2004)

Reflections

Well, I have only three days left at my work place. I will not be sorry to leave. I am grateful to the Lord for the provision this has provided and the many things I have learned from my time there.

Thanks for the long hours of time with You Lord. You have found me in the most unusual times and places.

Remember the time I was listening to those tapes on the Glory School? The one on Your Holy Spirit ? You ambushed me right there in the hall. I had to run to our 'little room' to fully experience that encounter with You. That was so wonderful ! You are amazing Jesus !

Remember the other time I was dancing around the garbage room to that Kevin Prosch song 'You're are my One Thing'? That was so cool Lord! You really do like to move outside the boxes we try to put you in. Thanks for that .

Remember the many times You found me cleaning some toilet bowl,or in some dirty oven.
You would come near to me,and break my heart while whispering comfort and direction.

In times of deep distress and sorrow You met me in so many tender ways. You have been with me and shown me that You are the God of the elderly. Those whose lives are in the later years, and You have declared that they are valuable to You, and therefore to me as well.

You have taught me that Mercy and Grace can go a long way among those who do not know You. That was a profound truth!

I quite enjoyed being hidden there.

Now the season has changed radically. So on we go to the next great adventure together.
I ask for grace to do what You have called me to do. I want to see with Your Eyes, to Hear with Your ears, and to BE Your Hands and Heart. Amen.

(Trenton Journal Sept.12,2004)

Today

I woke up this morning with the words to this song by Brian Doerksen swirling in my head. I cannot think of a better way to 'waste' my life than on Jesus.

As I have become more and more detached from the material things of this life, something wonderful has begun to happen.
As my apartment is emptied of 'stuff' that I cannot take with me on my journey, there is a familiar 'Voice' I am hearing .

A deeper awareness of His Nearness within me. The Voice of my Beloved, speaking to me the little things that a Beloved cares about.

I don't always feel His Presence while I am packing and sorting, but just when I am looking for something, I will hear His voice or feel His direction.

He is making Himself very real, and the fact that we are doing this together is what I'm supposed to see.

If you loose your life you will find it. Maybe this is what this is about. The thing is the grace is here, grace to say YES.

He alone gives the grace and enabling to do what He has called me to do. I have very clearly heard the call, and responded to the invitation to go with Him through the Door the this new place.

Today....I choose to follow You. Today, I choose to give my Yes to You.
I love you Jesus.

(Trenton Journal Sept. 11, 2004)

Trenton 2004 : The Journey Begins

It's been a busy, crazy week.

Sorting , packing , making decisions....
How many earrings does a girl need ?
I can't find my winter boots...how many coats does one need ???
....more tape please !

Boxes stacked everywhere....A pile for the Salvation Army...
a pile to storage...a pile to ship ahead.

Chaos....I hate it...yet I am remembering that the Spirit of the Lord God brooded over the chaos of the deep, and Life was created...so even though I will be walking through the valley of the shadow of death....even there, Life will be birthed in the midst.

Tonight I took a break and went to visit a friend. We just chatted and listened to worship music soaking in the Presence of our Beloved. Life...in the midst of the storms of life.

The truth is with so many friends being 'scattered', the question whispered....'Am I enough for you ?'
When everyone is gone...Am I enough for you ?
Are you willing to come away when the only One who knows you is Me?

AM I ENOUGH ?

Sunday morning was particularly sweet. My son Jason and his beautiful wife Yvonne, were doing the worship. The Spirit of the Lord was very powerful and He was so very near to me.
This mothers' heart has always been so blessed when Jason leads the worship. Like every mother, I have prayed for years that my children would KNOW HIM and love to worship Him in Spirit and Truth.



I have been blessed to observe (and weep) as the Lord takes us deep into Himself. To the loving heart of God in passionate worship and intercession, and I have touched the Throne in the midst of the swirl of the Spirit in these times of Encounter.

I am so thankful to have shared these times in the Spirit with my son. I will miss this a lot !

"AM I ENOUGH ?"....YES LORD...YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH !

(Trenton Journal Sept.7,2004)

Sealed

Place me like a seal on Your Heart, like a seal upon Your Arm;
Marked...for God alone.

That's me and my life. I want to live my life poured out for Him and upon Him.
For me there are no other options. He has captured my heart forever.

Many waters of trials and persecutions cannot quench this love.
Neither can the floods drown and overwhelm it,
You prepare a table of love and communion with me ,
in the presence of my enemies.

Who is my Beloved ? My Beloved is Radiant in His Splendor,
He is Brilliant in His Loveliness, clothed in Light as a garment.
He is Dazzling, Vibrant with Life and Power.
He is Excellent and full of the Glory and Majesty of God.

He sees all my longings for Him, and His eyes are full of tender promise.
He gently lifts my eyes to gaze into His, and whispers His comfort.
He clothes me with His Presence, and imparts His strength and courage.
He is Altogether Lovely ! Let the King bring me into His chambers!

Today Jesus, I will live from this place of safety,
Kiss me with the kisses of Your Word.
Lead me to the table of Revelation
I will drink deeply of You !

(March 11, 2004)

His Eyes Smile on This Sparrow

My Soul longs, yes, even faints for the courts of the Lord
My heart and my flesh cry out for the Living God.

This sparrow has found a home...

Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
We are ever praising You.

little faith...that's me

By faith Abraham when called to go to a place he would later receive as an inheritance, obeyed and went , even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land, like a stranger in a foreign country;

He lived in tents. For he was looking forward...to the city with foundations, who's builder is God. He considered him faithful who had made the promise.

Me too.... I consider Jesus Faithful to keep His promise. He's the Only One actually able to keep His promises. Men, well, we fail and break our word to each other with little remorse or care.

When I began this most recent chapter of my adventure with God, I knew it would be a place of decreasing. Willingly volunteering to go to the low place of service with Jesus, I really had no idea what that exactly meant. It's easy to get the notion that we are doing God a favor by 're-up-ing' as they call it at IHOP. (re-consecration)

At this point I am vitally aware that this whole thing is so that He can do a work in me so that when the time comes, He can look at what He has created and see His Image there, wearing a big lovely smile on His Face.

I have no idea where I am in this process and that will likely be the case until I stand before Him in that day to give Him an account of my life.
I feel like I am stumbling around in such foreign territory. What exactly is a faith walk anyway?

A few years ago I heard Patricia King tell how the Lord removed all sense of His Presence from her for about a year, while all those around her were basking in His Glory. I remember thinking, Thank you Lord that you don't do that to me...right ? Right Lord ? Lord ?

Maybe I should call it learning to walk by the Spirit, that would better explain my dilemma. All I want is to love God , walk with Him in intimacy and when I die go home to heaven forever. (Don't tell Mike Bickle that I am staying in heaven during the millennium.)

Since my time at IHOP the Prayer Room IS Home to me. Out here is foreign land. Even here in my home town where I grew up it is a strange land. The people have not changed, just grown older. God must be here somewhere, but I have no desire to seek out a church to see if He is there.

Of course God is here ! He is Omnipresent ! AND...he is present in the little elderly couple who I am giving care to. One has Dementia and the other has Alzheimers. They have been married 65 years this July and are still very much in love, sitting every evening holding hands on the couch until bedtime.

The other night as I was preparing my lady for bed, I remembered the words Jesus spoke to Peter, that when you are old you will stretch out your hands and others will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go. Jn. 21/18

I am sure my lady never would have imagined that at some point in her life someone else other than herself would dress her and tuck her into bed.

The human frame is weak....I see that so clearly.

We go through life flexing our muscles before God , each other and the world. Then one day we cannot remember.....period. I don't understand any of it. The rain falls on the just and the unjust the bible says, but all I know is that makes me sad, very sad.

How am I adjusting ? Some days I catch a glimpse of the Banner over me... Love....

Other days I fall down weeping in weariness and discouragement. I have chosen this path of abandonment to Jesus, but am only now waking up to the reality of what that commitment really entails.

Death ! Death to all that hinders Love Himself being formed in my heart and character. I know I am not alone, that in the midst of the battle, in this place called the world, He is here. I can sense His nearness in this little hovel of a room, that is strangely becoming familiar. I feel His comfort when I weep with grief because my little dog Sam is dying, and I do not want to let him go.

Tonight all I am longing for is to sit beside some quiet waters with my Friend Jesus. Just sit really still and let Him hold me close, as we share tears of sorrow over my puppy Sam.

Then He will raise my chin in His tender hands and open my eyes to behold the starry host that He has placed over our heads in the black velvet sky. Tonight, though the world rages in other places, Sam and I will know Comfort while Love sits with us.

June 14/2006

Crucible

Once there was a girl who was very lost. In her tender years this small one had known the invisible touch of abuse. The wounds were invisible as well, or so she imagined.

The place within her heart reserved for love alone gradually disappeared, or so she imagined. She hid herself behind her walls mostly consumed by the shadows of sadness.

From this place she stayed small and invisible and lived her outward life mostly disconnected and called herself a survivor.

Psalm 105:17-19 'He sent a man before them, Joseph, who was sold as a slave. They hurt his feet with fetters, He was laid in irons. (his soul came into iron) Until the time that his word came to pass, the Word of the Lord tested him.

Suddenly Love found me.......


The journey began. Still I was a slave, though unknowingly.
The years of captivity that lay ahead hurt my feet with fetters and caused iron to enter my soul.

Held captive by fear, rejection, anger and yes even hatred .
Still....you never left me.

Now I know those were the days formed in the furnace of affliction, and You were preparing a vessel to bear Your Image . I am amazed at Your Goodness Lord.

Memories of rising early to study, worship and pray come to me fondly. You were there , though many times I was unaware of Your Nearness and protection.

I fell in love with You Jesus ! You kept me.

Now today You remind me of the 'iron' that still remains within me. Repressed sins of anger, fear, bitterness and hatred. Now it's time for the 'big clean up'.

I am amazed at finding this within me, but Your word has made it known. It feels very difficult to get this out, and seems like it has been there so long, it's like glue.

Iron is heavy, but not impossible for the blood of the cross.

God bled for me !!

You are my Judge, but You also took upon Yourself my judgment and the judgment of those who sinned against me. So I walk free !

As You cleanse me, You meet me there in those places of darkness, and forgiveness flows outward to all involved.

I can see where You were now, through all the years of pain. You never left me, but covered me with Your prayers of mercy and grace, determined that .... 'THIS ONE SHE IS MINE !'

NOW I know why You came to me in such a visitation. You saw my path ahead, and forged my destiny in such a way as to forever mark my heart. 'No one can snatch you out of my hand.'

I am safe now. I fall softly into your arms of Love and accecptance, knowing You will bring me out. The old iron is gone but a new Iron has replaced it.

The strength and power that can only be forged in the Refiners Fire will continue to grow in this soul that gives You total possession.



My God IS God ! You ARE Alive ! You DO See ! You Definitely DO care ! You are Absolutely involved in the smallest detail ! You are very Near and I am undone by Your Beauty.
(Sept. 4 , 2005)

Beauty Arise

Once again this Hidden One silently makes her way to her favorite place of Refuge. The shadows of night and the threat of the coming storm no longer hinder this small one.

She has heard the whisper of her Beloved as He once again beckons her to draw near. Her steps quicken in anticipation of the reality that He has come again.

Heart beating wildly she smiles , joyfully remembering their last encounter. My Beloved has come again ! He has called me to Come Away.

His Presence is so Near the very air itself takes on His Fragrance.

Carefully, trembling, this child of destiny makes her way through the briers and thorns. The Way is very narrow and she can sense the threatening of the enemy nearby.

Do not be afraid ! His Word to her heart gives her strength and courage to press on. It seems much darker tonight, the path seems to be even more narrow than she remembers.

She feels as if time were running out. Shadows are deepening. Thunder rumbles, lightening flashes illuminating for a moment her Destination.

Tonight feels different. A seriousness permeates the atmosphere. I have come my Lord she whispers.

Suddenly she is swept up into the swirl of the passionate embrace of her joyful King.
Dancing Light, Dazzling Nearness. Kisses softly bestowed. Longings quieted.

Marveling that One so Beautiful and Mighty , this King of Life, loves her and calls her His Own Delight. Her heart surrenders in adoration and worship in His embrace.

His Face ! Light radiates from His Face and fills this place. The Light of the Glory of the Father. Tonight she can see the resemblance with great clarity.

Smiling affectionately, He lifts her gaze and their eyes meet in tender promise. Time ceases when they are together. Delight loves that !

Love like liquid myrrh flows between then as Sweet Communion is shared. The Bread of Life, the Cup of Betrothal. The Cost Remembered.

Tonight is not like other nights He whispers. Love has something new for you.Her King and Confidant kisses her eyes and ears. Revelation explodes !

The Heavens Opened. Visions of God . A Windstorm coming out of the north.
An Immense Cloud with Flashing Lightening , surrounded by Brilliant Light. Living Creatures, Burning Coals of Fire, Expanse like Sparkling Ice Ablaze.

The Sapphire Throne. The River of fire flowing out like a raging torrent. Destination, the lowest place.

High above the throne was a Figure like that of a Man. Brilliant Light surrounded Him. The appearance of a rainbow radiated around Him. The Fragrance of Glory everywhere.

Recognition flashed. I fell face down.

The Spirit came into me and raised me to my feet. Do not be afraid Daughter, eat what is before you . Then I looked and saw a hand stretched out to me. In it was a scroll. So I opened my mouth and He gave me the scroll to eat. I ate it and it tasted sweet as honey in my mouth.

Pack your belongings.

When the Glory lifted Delight sat with her Beloved and they talked far into the night.

I will go Lord.

A soft towel. A wooden bowl. A lamp filled with oil.
An extra container of Oil. A new wick and Fresh Fire.

Bread of Life for the hungry. Living water for those who thirst. Hope for those living in the shadow of death. New wine to drink deeply.

A heart of Compassionate Mercy and the Garment of The Servant to cover her raiment of Light. The Armour of God. Marked on her forehead, Belonging to the Lord.

The Light of Life to take into the dark places ahead and the enabling to go to the lowest place. I will go with you He whispers. Do not be afraid of death. There will be no sting. I PROMISE YOU THIS!

Passionate impartation saturates them and tender kisses linger on tingling lips. Eyes of Love drinking in the other until the next encounter.

I AM with you always ! His words resound in her heart. Delight embraces this new journey with her Beloved in joyful confidence of all He will accomplish.

I Knew You

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.

I first beheld you little one in ages past, long before I spoke the galaxies into being. Long before I declared Light Be ! Before the foundations of the earth were established.

I decided on you.

I have been thinking about you, enjoying you.
Loving you, waiting for you.

Waiting for the time when I would come to you and we would begin our journey together.
I knew the path ahead would be very difficult, so I named you Grace, and set the Angel of My Presence over you.

Yes. I know. There were those terrible moments and our enemy accused Me of having forsaken you.
I was there. Your frame was not hidden from Me. I set My seal upon you.

I called you Image Bearer.

Sorrow ravaged My heart and I wept with you when Trust was betrayed and destroyed in your tender heart that dark day. You have walked a lonely path and I have carried you though you were unaware of My Embrace.

It is time to remember Trust.

Yes. I know. You think you are unable, but I am beside you. Tell me what you are thinking. What does this child of Grace recall ? Will you allow her to open this place to us ? Will you let us heal ?

'This is the child hidden within me. I am old now and have not known trust the way Grace did. One dreadful moment it died and so did I or so I thought .

Until now.'

'Child ? Who are you gazing at in this moment? I look at your face and suddenly I see there was a time when Trust lived there. I see loving , innocent eyes responding to Someone .
What did it feel like to trust ? What do you remember from the time before the darkness ?'

I will listen. Do not run away any longer Dearheart. I will give you back your voice.

'Trust is warm. Soft and quiet. Like a soft quiet in my heart. Warm milk, warm blankets, tender hands touching softly, touching safely, gentle whispers, loving kisses from smiling lips.'

Resting safely . In Jesus Loving Embrace.
(Blog Journey May 20, 2004)

Who Is This ?

I have been musing lately on the Song of Solomon . Who was that girl ? Who was that little shepherd girl who just happened to catch the attention of the King ?

Who was the woman at the well ? The one who was offered the Living Water. Did she know that God sent Jesus there specifically to encounter her ?

Women who in their own eyes probably considered themselves 'less than'. I too am one of these women. In many ways I can relate to each.

To the little shepherd girl, off by herself most of the time, just doing what she knew was her life. Did she ever imagine in her wildest dreams there was another Life just around the corner?

The woman at the well. I have always identified with this lady. I wonder what she felt like that day ? The story says she had had five husbands, and the man she was living with was not her husband. How had these men treated her ?

What was going on in her heart that day ? How was her home life? Was she loved and cherished ? What did she have to do to have a roof over her head and food on her table ?

Was she soul sick ? Did she have any friends to share her life with ?
Did she pray ? Did she weep in the darkness for deliverance ? Did she dream of a safe place to lay her head ? Did she long for someone to hold her close and do her no violence ? Did she even hope for a different life ? Probably not I think.

Yet He came to the well just to find her !

The beloved shepherd girl knew she was dark. The woman at the well knew she was also dark I think .

I too know that feeling sometimes. Still He draws near . He comes , and He keeps on coming. He chooses the weak things. I'm glad about that . Even in my weakness He considers me lovely.

He sees us with different eyes than the way we see ourselves. That's one of the many things He is trying to get through to me. I need to believe that what His opinion is concerning me is the truth, and agree with Him.

I love that He is so patient with me.Gently whispering profound truth and encouraging me to believe Him. He pierces my heart with the sweet kisses of His Words of loving acceptance and devotion.

I know that I am totally devoted to Him, but do I really know that He is much more absolutely madly devoted to me ? Do I believe this King of Heaven is wooing me and paid the most outrageous price for a bride that has ever been paid ..... ever ?

Do I believe that I am that Bride ? Do You believe that you are also that Bride ?

These are the days of our preparation. Holy Spirit takes us and knows exactly what needs to be accomplished in us. The day is fast approaching and all things are being made ready.

Who is this ? Why it's me and I am lovesick Jesus !
So here I am coming up from the wilderness leaning on my Beloved.

(Blog journey July 26, 2004)

Refuge

My ravaged heart is searching tonight. Searching for the One who has promised to never leave me or forsake me.
The promise is true, though the darkness of abandonment threatens.

So I will look for Him, though the shadows wrap around my mind.
Searching for the One Unseen. Mockery taunts from nearby.

Wandering out to a barren place, Small Breeze stirs my lovesick soul.
In the distance the shadow of The Tree draws me, though not fearfully.

Welcoming Peace envelopes me and leads beneath sheltering boughs.
He is waiting , sorrow, blinding me to His nearness.

Tenderly embracing my trembling frame, Life enfolds . Everlasting Arms lifting.
The Fragrance of His garments overwhelms my senses and I am undone.

My weakness does not offend this Tender Lover.
With a smile of gentle understanding and devotion He wipes my tears.

We sit upon the warm earth, He tends my hidden wounds, Mercy cleansing.
Heart bows in adoration, yielding to Loving Touch of Wounded Hands.

Tender hands these. Hands that once formed galaxies. Healing hands.
Touching me ! Embracing the pain, knowing the sorrow, sharing the grief.

Communion. The Bread of Life broken for me . The cup of Suffering sharing with me.
A banquet of Love. Promises fulfilled. Kisses of Grace. Passions Fire rekindled.

Safe Refuge in a time of great darkness. Great Bush Blazes with Dazzling Light.
Resplendent. Rising. Swirling. Releasing. Exploding in Joyful Exaltation .

Suddenly , Silent Hush descends and Spirit Wings grow still.
Beloved Voice whispers sacred kisses to my trembling soul. Revelation Sings.
(Blog Journey May 18, 2004)

Faithful

The Lady sits alone....waiting....watching ....remembering.

Unseen forces press in upon her from every side, tearing at her fragile soul mocking her silent tears.

He's surely forgotten you! He promised He would come ! Where is this Great Love you so foolishly lament ? How can He love such a worthless speck of dust ? You have failed Him you know.

''Jesus ? She whispers, choking back a sob. Jesus , I love You. I don't understand Lord, but I trust You.
This pain is strangling my heart, please help me ! I have no where to run to now except to the memories of Your loving embrace.

The crucible of this dark night consumes me with threats of violence. My tears are my comfort, as I pour out my worship before Your Throne.

Come again Lord ! My life is my offering, my heart Your Throne. Like Myrrh the fragrance of my undoing I lay my kisses at your feet . Is this the fellowship of Your sufferings ?

You've ruined me you know for anything else. Capture this burning heart and engrave Your Eternal Image there.''

Suddenly, the fragrance of a thousand sunrises breaks forth around me ! Light, radiant living Light explodes upward . Joy unspeakable shouts , driving away every mocking voice of the night.

He is here ! Singing, laughing, spinning, dancing, exalting in His Boundless Love. He draws me upward and I am carried on Spirit Wings to realms of Promise and Freedom Unimaginable .

Gates . Doors. Trumpets and swords. Angels with keys.
Voices. Lightnings . Thunderings.

Open now. All open . I am Home .
(Blog Journey May 4, 2004)

The Hammock

This child has found a safe place for a while in her favorite 'friend' the Hammock. She has to share me with all the rest of the family, so her visits are few.

Today she is sad, though if asked she would not know why.

But I know. She is the lost child. She has chosen at this early age to become as small and invisible as possible.

Listen to her heart for a minute.

I'm so scared...scared of the anger and pain that is making mommy and daddy fight so much. I feel like it's because of me. I wish I could be good enough for them, and maybe then they would think I was terrific. I wish they would smile at me when they look at me.

What have I done ?

She lays down in me and I cuddle her close. Though my canvas is old, I'm soft. I rock her gently and whisper promises of comfort and rest. Overhead, the Old Trusty Tree, creaks softly with the rhythm of our swaying. A warm summer breeze caresses tender tear stained cheeks and the sun breaks through to kiss this innocent Sleeping Beauty.

Too soon this one has believed that she must keep these feelings of fear and loneliness to herself, and most of her other feelings as well.

She is trapped. Physically and emotionally.

She is a child who has lost her 'voice'.Where can she flee to? Where can she find a safe place to rest ?

So today , we will hold her close. There are Unseen Angels here, and together we will guard this little lost child. One day she will awaken from the nightmare and meet the One who has chosen her to be His Alone.

Sleeping Beauty has been set apart for Joy Unspeakable and Love will radiate from her countenance. She is an Image Bearer and a Trumpet ! Called to belong the the Great King of Heaven Himself.

Her journey will not be easy but she will know she is never alone. Learning to trust and daring to believe she is loved and cherished will be the biggest challenge. There is Great Grace and Mercy to accompany her through the Furnace of His Love in complete acceptance and abandonment to her Wonderful Jesus.

'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you .
I fashioned you ! You are mine ! My Pearl of Great Price'.

No longer Deserted, no longer Desolate, no longer Forsaken !

I have called you Hephzibah . (Blog Journey April 13/2004)