Once there was a girl who was very lost. In her tender years this small one had known the invisible touch of abuse. The wounds were invisible as well, or so she imagined.
The place within her heart reserved for love alone gradually disappeared, or so she imagined. She hid herself behind her walls mostly consumed by the shadows of sadness.
From this place she stayed small and invisible and lived her outward life mostly disconnected and called herself a survivor.
Psalm 105:17-19 'He sent a man before them, Joseph, who was sold as a slave. They hurt his feet with fetters, He was laid in irons. (his soul came into iron) Until the time that his word came to pass, the Word of the Lord tested him.
The journey began. Still I was a slave, though unknowingly.
The years of captivity that lay ahead hurt my feet with fetters and caused iron to enter my soul.
Held captive by fear, rejection, anger and yes even hatred .
Still....you never left me.
Now I know those were the days formed in the furnace of affliction, and You were preparing a vessel to bear Your Image . I am amazed at Your Goodness Lord.
Memories of rising early to study, worship and pray come to me fondly. You were there , though many times I was unaware of Your Nearness and protection.
I fell in love with You Jesus ! You kept me.
Now today You remind me of the 'iron' that still remains within me. Repressed sins of anger, fear, bitterness and hatred. Now it's time for the 'big clean up'.
I am amazed at finding this within me, but Your word has made it known. It feels very difficult to get this out, and seems like it has been there so long, it's like glue.
Iron is heavy, but not impossible for the blood of the cross.
God bled for me !!
You are my Judge, but You also took upon Yourself my judgment and the judgment of those who sinned against me. So I walk free !
As You cleanse me, You meet me there in those places of darkness, and forgiveness flows outward to all involved.
I can see where You were now, through all the years of pain. You never left me, but covered me with Your prayers of mercy and grace, determined that .... 'THIS ONE SHE IS MINE !'
NOW I know why You came to me in such a visitation. You saw my path ahead, and forged my destiny in such a way as to forever mark my heart. 'No one can snatch you out of my hand.'
I am safe now. I fall softly into your arms of Love and accecptance, knowing You will bring me out. The old iron is gone but a new Iron has replaced it.
The strength and power that can only be forged in the Refiners Fire will continue to grow in this soul that gives You total possession.
My God IS God ! You ARE Alive ! You DO See ! You Definitely DO care ! You are Absolutely involved in the smallest detail ! You are very Near and I am undone by Your Beauty.
(Sept. 4 , 2005)
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