By faith Abraham when called to go to a place he would later receive as an inheritance, obeyed and went , even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land, like a stranger in a foreign country;
He lived in tents. For he was looking forward...to the city with foundations, who's builder is God. He considered him faithful who had made the promise.
Me too.... I consider Jesus Faithful to keep His promise. He's the Only One actually able to keep His promises. Men, well, we fail and break our word to each other with little remorse or care.
When I began this most recent chapter of my adventure with God, I knew it would be a place of decreasing. Willingly volunteering to go to the low place of service with Jesus, I really had no idea what that exactly meant. It's easy to get the notion that we are doing God a favor by 're-up-ing' as they call it at IHOP. (re-consecration)
At this point I am vitally aware that this whole thing is so that He can do a work in me so that when the time comes, He can look at what He has created and see His Image there, wearing a big lovely smile on His Face.
I have no idea where I am in this process and that will likely be the case until I stand before Him in that day to give Him an account of my life.
I feel like I am stumbling around in such foreign territory. What exactly is a faith walk anyway?
A few years ago I heard Patricia King tell how the Lord removed all sense of His Presence from her for about a year, while all those around her were basking in His Glory. I remember thinking, Thank you Lord that you don't do that to me...right ? Right Lord ? Lord ?
Maybe I should call it learning to walk by the Spirit, that would better explain my dilemma. All I want is to love God , walk with Him in intimacy and when I die go home to heaven forever. (Don't tell Mike Bickle that I am staying in heaven during the millennium.)
Since my time at IHOP the Prayer Room IS Home to me. Out here is foreign land. Even here in my home town where I grew up it is a strange land. The people have not changed, just grown older. God must be here somewhere, but I have no desire to seek out a church to see if He is there.
Of course God is here ! He is Omnipresent ! AND...he is present in the little elderly couple who I am giving care to. One has Dementia and the other has Alzheimers. They have been married 65 years this July and are still very much in love, sitting every evening holding hands on the couch until bedtime.
The other night as I was preparing my lady for bed, I remembered the words Jesus spoke to Peter, that when you are old you will stretch out your hands and others will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go. Jn. 21/18
I am sure my lady never would have imagined that at some point in her life someone else other than herself would dress her and tuck her into bed.
The human frame is weak....I see that so clearly.
We go through life flexing our muscles before God , each other and the world. Then one day we cannot remember.....period. I don't understand any of it. The rain falls on the just and the unjust the bible says, but all I know is that makes me sad, very sad.
How am I adjusting ? Some days I catch a glimpse of the Banner over me... Love....
Other days I fall down weeping in weariness and discouragement. I have chosen this path of abandonment to Jesus, but am only now waking up to the reality of what that commitment really entails.
Death ! Death to all that hinders Love Himself being formed in my heart and character. I know I am not alone, that in the midst of the battle, in this place called the world, He is here. I can sense His nearness in this little hovel of a room, that is strangely becoming familiar. I feel His comfort when I weep with grief because my little dog Sam is dying, and I do not want to let him go.
Tonight all I am longing for is to sit beside some quiet waters with my Friend Jesus. Just sit really still and let Him hold me close, as we share tears of sorrow over my puppy Sam.
Then He will raise my chin in His tender hands and open my eyes to behold the starry host that He has placed over our heads in the black velvet sky. Tonight, though the world rages in other places, Sam and I will know Comfort while Love sits with us.
June 14/2006
